


Bilbo Baggins' Diary

by thorinawesomeshield (veganerwurst)



Category: Bridget Jones's Diary - Helen Fielding, The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: ...But that shouldn't be surprising because Bridget Jones is a PaP AU, Ace!Bofur, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, And Azog as Daniel Cleaver, And yes I do think this is very funny, Attempt at Humor, Bilbo Nori and Bofur are the Squad, Diary/Journal, Fluff and Crack, I'll add more tags as i go, M/M, Pride and Prejudice References, Starring Bilbo as Bridget, This is the Bridget Jones Diary AU no one ever asked for, Thorin as Marc Darcy, what is my life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-01
Updated: 2016-01-01
Packaged: 2018-05-10 22:15:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5602927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/veganerwurst/pseuds/thorinawesomeshield
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Bridget Jones AU no one ever asked for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bilbo Baggins' Diary

 

 

** New Year's Resolutions: **

 

**I will not:**

  * smoke.

  * drink more than 4 alcohol units per evening (aka so much that I'm drunk and therefore embarrass myself in front of strangers)

  * go out on more than ~~1~~ 2 times a week

  * take my bad mood out on people who are not responsible for it

  * wait to clean the dishes until I haven't got anything to eat from anymore

  * put up with any bullshit from potential boyfriends/parents/co-workers/bosses/ ~~friends~~

  * eat after ~~7~~ ~~8~~ 9 PM

  * ignore any bills until the 2nd overdue notice

  * cook ~~food sufficient for 12 people~~ out of frustration

  * eat ~~food sufficient for 12 people~~ _anything_ out of frustration

  * eat more than 4 meals a day

  * spend money on things I'll never need in my whole life such as: a mini hoover, egg cookers, maps of places I'll never visit, fancy hand soap I'm allergic to, medicine to treat diseases I don't have, clothes for cats however cute they might be BECAUSE I DON'T EVEN HAVE A GOD-DAMN CAT

  * spend more than I earn

  * google any symptoms of possible illness I may experience

  * convince myself I have cancer because I googled any symptoms

  * date any assholes/cold wankers/idiots

  * get annoyed with Mum, Gandalf or Lobelia

  * get upset over men bc they're not worth it!

  * flirt with obviously straight men

  * _DRINK ANYTHING NORI ADVERTISES WITH "HOME-BREWED"!!!_




 

**I will:**

  * eat less (than 7 meals a day) and lose weight (at least 8 lbs.)

  * do sport

  * learn to say "no"

  * be more confident

  * find new and challenging hobbies

  * behave like an grown-up man _(Dignity)_

  * accept my age and not act like I'm twenty

  * get to know more people/find new friends

  * work on my career

  * finally learn to tie this damn tie

  * make better use of my time

  * save up money

  * be kinder and smile more

  * help people when I can, be more often selfless

  * get over my fear of Spiders as they're v. useful and interesting creatures that wont try to eat me

  * have a healthy relationship with a mature an understanding man

  * drink less alcohol

  * stop talking behind peoples backs - will instead be open and sincere

  * read more, watch less TV

  * cook healthier instead of take-away and fast food

  * go to gym at least 2 times a week

  * read the terms and conditions before signing anything




**Author's Note:**

> Welcome Friends!  
> So here it is. I have planned this for a long time now and just waited for the new Year to begin so I can finally post it.
> 
> Here's the thing though: I'd originally planned to make "live updates" but last month my Laptop died on me (again) and everything I'd already written is gone and I had to start again. Long Story Short: My Plan is to update this always on the last day of the month, so you can read what Bilbo's been up to. I don't know though if I'll be able to make it because real life is sometimes very time consuming.
> 
> Let's hope I can do this!
> 
> Happy New Year my friends! :D


End file.
